Boom Box
I believe in the power of words – for good, and for bad. I’m sure that comes as no surprise to you, dear readers, given the fact that I write this blog (on occasion) and since I’ve most certainly shared on this topic before (once or twice, or many times). However, I’ve noticed in my frequent reflection how the negative words we’ve absorbed over the years tend to stick strong in our memories while the good ones so quickly fade away. I’m not sure why it is so easy to believe the bad about ourselves and filter out the good, but alas, this seems to be a quite common reality for many of us.
I have a box in which I’ve kept letters and notes and words of encouragement that have been passed to me over the years – dating all the way back to my high school years. I don’t keep these mementos because I’m nostalgic (although I am), I keep them as a reminder to me at my lowest that others along the way have seen goodness and light in me. I keep them because while the mean jabs stubbornly remain in my mind, I lose sight of the kind words I’ve received and sometimes, more often than I’d like, deeply need to know that I’m loved. Often, reading or reflecting on the kindness and encouragement that has come my way leads me to tears – the words are precious to the deepest places in my soul and yet so much harder for me to accept about myself.
Friends, I am an encourager at heart. I have been brutally hurt by words. It may seem silly but the words of the bullies of my youth left deep scars in my mind. When we hear something enough, it tends to become part of a narrative that we write about ourselves – and everything we experience is filtered through this story. The words we are fed tend to become true to us even when they are far from actual truth. Now that I recognize this within myself, I can work harder to correct the narrative when I hear it play out within me. I wish I didn’t have to do that work – but I do believe that it has played a role in my own desire to use my words to build up rather than to break down. I want to share with people the goodness that I see in them. I know that so many of you (like me) are steeped in self-criticism bred of societal pressures and life lessons – so much so that you can no longer see yourselves clearly. You buy into the bad and doubt the good. For these reasons, I’m trying to speak the good I see around me, to shine the light on the great qualities in my people. I know from experience that goodness can be called out. I know that encouragement can create a safety net, a warm hug, or a foundation for growth.
My closest friend during my high school years was someone who always called out the goodness he saw in me. He was a voice I deeply trusted and one who saw things in me before I saw them myself and by naming them called them out of me. His friendship was such a gift and his encouragement was deeply valuable in my life – not just then – but in the years that followed. He inspired me to love others with my words the same way he did. This friend is no longer with us but his legacy of encouragement remains in my heart and continues to call me out into the light. I want to bless the lives of others in the same way that he blessed mine – with honest encouragement, humour, and limitless love.
But I’ve learned that it takes practice to love like this. It’s often uncomfortable and vulnerable to name the beautiful qualities we see in others. Partly because so many of us have been taught that we should keep our emotions tied to our heart and rarely allow them to slip from our lips. Partly because sharing the things we love in others can feel risky. It’s admitting to ourselves that this person’s existence matters deeply, and knowing that losing them would hurt to that same depth. For me, it can feel a little bit like I’m John Cusack in the film Say Anything, standing with a boom box outside of a window, hoping that the person inside will receive my heartfelt intentions. It’s scary to be the one holding the boom box. We don’t know how the receiver will respond.
What I’ve learned though is that those kind, honest words that others have shared with me have become tiny treasures that I hold close. And more than just about anything, I want to be a bringer of treasures to the lives of others. Even when I’m afraid, even when noticing and encouraging feels a lot like laying my heart on the line, even when my arms grow shaky holding my boom box, I’ll continue to stand strong.
I believe in you, my friends. Your existence matters – so much more than you even realize, and I am so grateful that you are here in this world. Please keep shining your light.