Nicole Kropf

I want to tell you about a friend of mine. He was one of the people who greatly shaped my heart. His friendship was a gift to me at a time when loneliness was the great ruler of my life. My high school years were a strange time. There were a lot of great moments but I bounced around friend groups a lot. I had a hard time finding my fit.

One of my constants in the ever-changing landscape of adolescence was my friend Mat. He was solid and loyal and trustworthy and his friendship never faltered – no matter the season or circumstance. It wasn’t until about a year ago that I truly recognized what an absolute gift he was in my life. You see, I started writing thank you cards a year ago January. I wanted to try to live in gratitude by finding someone to thank each and every day. To start, I focused on people who had made a lasting impact on my life. Mat was one of these.

You see, Mat was truly a bright light. He was often the best part of my days. I can vividly recall walking around the corner from whatever class I had been in to see Mat’s shining smile waiting for me beside my locker, his eyes always holding just a little glimmer of mischief. No matter what darkness filled my heart that day, Mat knew exactly how to brighten my world with laughter. He was always genuine and kind and just the right amount of sarcastic. When most high school friendships were hot and cold, Mat was the solid, dedicated friend who never – not once – had anything unkind to say to or about me (or really anyone else – that I can recall).

When I was trying to figure out who I was and who I wanted to be, Mat always made me feel like who I was – was more than enough. To this day, whenever the world makes me feel like I don’t fit – whenever I question my worth, I’m reminded of Mat and his ability to see me and appreciate me for who I was on the inside and then I walk a little taller. Mat had a gift for seeing things in me that I had not yet discovered in myself – and in naming those things, he called them out of me. He was a source of unending encouragement and bottomless kindness.

One Christmas, I can remember giving Mat a small Lego Police car. He had wanted to be a cop and I thought that was incredibly fitting given his nature to protect and care for those around him. Mat stood in his strength even then – he always had the confidence to be entirely himself. I believe he shared a little bit of his quiet confidence with all of those around him. That’s what goodness does – it calls out the bright spots in others. Words have so much power – and Mat used his to build people up and to make them smile. He was – as they say – one of the good ones. And I am so much better having known him.

Mat and I lost touch after high school as we went our separate ways and went about creating our futures. Whenever we reconnected over the years, it was as if no time had passed. Just like in high school, every conversation left me grinning from ear to ear. You see, some friendships are unaltered by time and distance. They last in our hearts for all time. Great friendships can fuel us for generations.

When I wrote my thank you card to Mat and finally got it to him last spring, He told me that he was dealing with a cancer relapse. I didn’t even know that he had battled cancer at all. He never told me just how sick he was – I didn’t know that it was terminal. Mat passed away on January 5th of this year. I didn’t learn of his passing until after his funeral.

I am to this day, shattered by this loss. It comes back to steal my breath. I ache for all the years we lost. But even more, I ache because of what the world has lost. Mat was a rare gem – a shining light. He made everyone around him better and if he couldn’t do that, he’d at least make them laugh. This is the Mat I’ll remember…the one I’ll hold onto – the one with the glimmer in his eyes and the mischievous smile.

We said we’d be best buds forever. And while we didn’t live life side by side, his words have continued to speak to my soul. The light of his laugh still floods the darker places in my heart. As long as I’m alive, I’ll carry him with me. And as it turns out, even death has no power over love.

Mathew Oakes, July 17, 1986 – January 5th 2020