Nicole Kropf

In January, I started a project that I hoped would help me set a positive foundation for 2019. Inspired by Thankyouyear (on IG) and Gina Hamadey, I decided that I was going to follow her example and attempt to write a thank you card for every day of 2019. I had so enjoyed making and writing Christmas cards for those I loved that I thought this would be a really great opportunity for growing in gratitude while having a bit of fun. With that in mind, my theme for the month of January was “friends who had made a lasting influence on my life.”

I started by writing out a list of names of those whose friendship had helped shape me or challenged me to become better in some way. It was amazing to me learning who had impacted my heart so heavily. It’s sometimes funny and also shocking how little we can know about ourselves without some self-examination here and there. Anyway, I set out to track down addresses and I began to write to this long list of beautiful people who had truly helped to shape me throughout the years.

I wrote to some highschool friends who inspired me with their courage to be freely themselves and who accepted me as I was. I wrote to my childhood best friend who truly supported me through all seasons. I wrote to my 15 year old “first love” who taught me that my heart was to be treasured and made me feel like the loveliest human being alive. I wrote to a childhood friend and another camp friend who showed me what it meant to live with a welcoming spirit. I wrote to the first boy who broke my heart and then promptly became a dear friend, encourager, and partner in crime. I wrote to other friends who challenged my way of thinking and in doing so broadened my horizons in so many ways. I wrote to 31 incredible people who quite literally changed my life. Some of those letters never found their way out of our house – apparently getting addresses in this day and age can be a difficult feat. But every single letter revealed to me more about myself and led me to a theory.

Is it possible that we are each our own puzzle? Born into this world with only a few of the pieces, we gather some in our early years – those from family members and our oldest friends. As we grow older, we meet others  who quietly tuck another edge here or a centre piece there. At times, we try to change the shape of our holes, hoping that certain people might be just the ones to fill them. Occasionally we squeeze ourselves into spaces too small in hopes of adding to someone else’s picture. Eventually, we find that there is beauty both in the pieces we’ve already gathered and in the search for the remaining bits of ourselves.

The looking back and noticing who truly impacted my life allowed me to see how certain individuals handed me pieces of my identity. In being present, I found others around me, hands upheld with more tiny puzzle pieces, ready to tuck them into my heart and add their colour to the mural that is me. All of this has opened my eyes more and more to our human need for community. Without one another, we would always remain incomplete. Without all of the people who have loved me, encouraged me, inspired me, and challenged me over the years, my heart would remain broken and disjointed, my identity literally littered with holes. We find ourselves in our relationships with one another. When we recognize this, we can let go of some of the fear that comes with letting others in and we can embrace the opportunity to grow together. We can fight for unity and love. We can stand ready both to give and to receive.

So thank you again to those of you who have shaped me. Thank you for coming into my life and handing me the pieces of myself that were missing. Thank you for challenging me to grow and for leaving me forever changed. Thank you to those of you who are currently walking through life with me, adding your colour to my days, and further filling in my holes.

Finally, to every single person reading this, you have been the one to place a missing piece in someone’s heart. You exist both to love and build up those around you and to be changed through your relationships. Even if life is lonely and hard right now, please know that someone is better because they’ve known you. We are each a puzzle indeed. But every one of us is created in the image of love. We will only ever see the final image if we surrender to the work of loving one another.