Eight things I want my children to know.
1. You are deeply treasured and incredibly loved. I have longed for you since I was basically a child myself. Even before you existed, I dreamed about you and imagined a future with you in it. And now that you’re here, my heart no longer lives inside of my chest – it has grown legs and travels with you wherever you go. Every time your heart beats, it is your body telling you, “Mama loves you. Mama loves you. Mama loves you.”
2. Life is hard sometimes but it is always worth living. Everyone knows the terrain of both mountains and valleys. The climbing of the mountain can be excruciating. It will wear you down physically, emotionally, even spiritually. At times, you’ll want to quit. You’ll wonder why you’ve found yourself on the side of a cliff, fighting tooth and nail to hang on. But oh my darling, when you’ve reached the summit, you’ll realize that the difficulty of the climb has made you so much more appreciative of the beautiful view and so keenly aware of the strength within you and around you.
3. The world is not black and white. It is full of vibrant colour! Trying to paint the people and situations around you as black or white, right or wrong, will only alienate you from the beauty of our differences. Whenever you find your feet planted firmly against something, try making the situation personal – what if this were my brother or sister, my best friend, my child? How would I feel then? I think you’ll find that when you make a strangers face into that of someone you love, your desire to be right will be overcome with a desire to understand. And in my experience, the more that you learn about those who are different from you, the greater your love for them will be.
4. I have no agenda for your life (because it’s not mine to live) but if I did, it would list one thing – be kind. I boldly believe that there is not a single difficulty that can not be made easier by a loving gesture. Kindness is also one of those magical actions that brings joy to the giver as much as the recipient. There is no shortage of love! You’re made of the stuff! Give it away and watch joy multiply around you.
5. We are built for community. Where you are weak, someone else is strong. Not a single person can do everything well but everyone can do something well. Offer what you can. Ask for help when you need it. We are better together. Don’t waste time hiding your light but don’t act like your light is brighter than anyone else’s. Accept that we are all uniquely gifted and strategically built pieces of one masterful puzzle. Imagine what we could do if we stopped disagreeing and dividing long enough to co-operate.
6. You will make mistakes. It is an inevitable part of learning and we are all learning – all the time. When you do mess up – own it. You will be amazed how much a genuine apology can heal. Don’t waste time trying to justify why you did or said what you did. If you hurt someone, it’s on you to help heal the relationship. When someone else makes a mistake, try to practice forgiveness.
7. Honesty and authenticity matter. You will grow up in a world very different from that of my childhood. Social media can alter our view of reality because posters can choose which snapshot of their life they want to show the world whether or not it is a genuine reflection of the whole. Be who you are. Don’t be afraid to be honest about both the struggles and the joys of your life. Because one thing hasn’t changed – we all want to know that we aren’t alone. And the only way we can possibly know that is if someone has the courage to share their story. Be courageous.
8. Learning never ends. So very many times you will think you have it all figured out. You don’t. Life is full of twists and turns that you won’t see coming. People are full of surprises. Change is a true constant. Don’t be so set on knowing the answer that you fail to ask the questions. You will get so much more out of life if you try new things and you will find so much joy in relationships if you spend time in conversation. Every situation and person you encounter is a teacher – if only you are open to being teachable.
I’m sure this list will continue to grow with my sweet children but this is what my heart has to offer right now. My friends, what would your list say? What do you want your babies to know? To those without children, what would you tell a younger version of yourself?
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