Don’t regret the investment.
Over the last several months, I’ve done a lot of self-exploration. I’ve investigated my heart and my hurts. I’ve uncovered the ugliest pieces of myself in an effort to cleanse myself of anger, defensiveness, and insecurity. I’ve tried to build in their place understanding, kindness, and gratitude. I’ve spent time on me in hopes of being better to and for others. I discovered the lies that I had hidden in my mind and written into my story. I found beauty in parts of my soul that I had previously mislabeled and misunderstood. I know that this journey is far from over. I know that I will continually be building and tearing down and building again my whole life through. On this road, I’ve also discovered that my deepest passion is to be a builder of people. I want to live and breathe love. And I’m trying.
Placing people as a priority and making love a way of life sounds beautiful in theory. It sounds like sunshine and rainbows…and maybe even some frolicking. In reality, it’s rather messy because it also means getting up close and personal with pain. You see, we’re all a little (a lot) broken and when damaged people come together in relationship, there are bound to be some minor bumps (or colossal bruises) along the way. I’m learning that the journey of caring is rarely, if ever, smooth. And in fact, it will sometimes be downright painful. When we love, after all, our heart is invested. And when our heart is invested, we stand to lose big.
So what do we do when we get hurt in the process of loving? What happens when we’ve done everything we can to care and yet we’ve met a wall of resistance? Do we give up? Do we throw in the towel and lock our hearts away? A lot of people do. Our world is full of too many people who gave up on kindness. I will not be another one. And I hope you won’t be either.
We do need to be prepared that the vulnerability of genuinely loving will sometimes leave us open to deep hurt. And I think that we need to give ourselves permission to feel sadness. I used to experience a lot of guilt when I felt down. I’d compare my problems with things that those around me were experiencing and I’d think I had no right to be sad. That was until a very wise friend recently told me, “you just feel what you feel.” There is no “should” in emotion. We feel what we feel. After all, there is no way around our sadness. We have to go through it. We have to feel it out. So go ahead and grieve the loss of what you dreamed and hoped that love investment might have grown into. But don’t regret the investment.
One of my favourite sayings is, “From the tiniest seeds, grow the mightiest trees.” I choose to believe that every ounce of love we pour into someone’s life counts. I feel this way largely because the time and care that others have poured into me are precisely the things that have mattered the most to me and helped to shape who I am and who I want to be. We each have so much power. We can literally make or break a person’s spirit with our words. We can sow goodness and kindness or we can plant cruelty and doubt. Both have weight. And just as it can take a lifetime for a small seed to develop into a sturdy tree, we may never see what our love (or indifference, or hate) could grow into.
So even when loving opens me up to incredible hurt, I won’t stop. I’ll be right here -still loving, still believing the best. I refuse to let the broken pieces of my heart make my life into a weapon. Instead, I hope to use the broken pieces of my heart to patch the wounded spaces in another’s. I hope to use my power for building rather than breaking down. And I sincerely hope you will too.