Nicole Kropf

Middle school was not my favourite time. I went through an awkward pre-teen phase as many do – think pleasantly plump with a hairstyle that unintentionally resembled a mini Afro. It was also precisely at this time that a new girl moved to my small rural school. For some reason unbeknownst to me, she decided that I was the perfect target to pick on. The bullying itself was pretty mild compared to what others have experienced but I don’t think I’ll ever forget the feeling of betrayal when people who were previously my friends suddenly aligned themselves with this new girl. It was the first time in my life when I remember genuinely questioning my worth. Things that I had previously liked about myself became things of shame. I had to learn a new set of rules for who I was allowed to be and yet every time I thought I had them figured out, they would change. It never crossed my mind that they were in the wrong, instead, I bought into the lie that I was the problem.

It was right around this time that one of my teachers assigned a research project where we were to investigate the meaning of our name. I discovered that my name, Nicole, means “Victory of the people.” This spoke to my soul. Not yet a Christian, it felt like the universe was claiming a purpose for my broken little heart. It became the thing I clung to when I felt most alone and unloved. I had no idea what victory I could possibly offer to which people but I chose to trust in the name my parents gave me over the words that mean girls said about me. I chose to trust that there was power in my name and that it would be awakened in me someday soon. And that belief was enough to carry me through to elementary graduation.

Looking back now, almost 20 years later, I can still vividly recall the pain and loneliness of being a 7th grade outsider. I’ve long since forgiven those who belittled me but pain runs deep and it leaves scars that may never fully heal. In fact, in some ways, I’m still telling that little girl inside of me that she doesn’t need to hide pieces of herself anymore.  I’m not yet sure if my life will bring anyone victory but I do believe that what we name people matters. Labels have a way of sticking. You can bet that what we say to and about one another holds weight. I want to make it my mission to call out the beauty and goodness that I see in people. I don’t want anyone else to buy in to the idea that they are a problem. I want to name them beautiful, kind, creative, intelligent, fearless, or whatever else fits. And I hope to see those things come even more alive within them.

Recently, I asked friends to describe their experience of who I am in a few words. They described me with such love and kindness that their words were like sweet candy to my soul. They used names like: loving, passionate, faithful, committed, cheerful, caring, insightful, empowering, and so many more beautiful things. I literally compiled a list that has over 50 different life-giving words that these incredible people poured generously over me. Why don’t we do this more? Why are we often so quick to name the things we dislike in someone or the ways they’ve wronged us instead of all of the spectacular things about them? I want to change this. I want to be a person who speaks honest encouragement over people every day. I want to name them well. Will you join me?